Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
