Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
