We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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