Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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