my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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