I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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