Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
