That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
is this the sara with the beer cane?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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