Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
