It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
