I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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