i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
