It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
