I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
