well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
40s are totally the cure
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
