I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
