Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
