my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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