first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
