i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm too high and old for this...
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