R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
