why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
