Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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