Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
