I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize