I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
