Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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