Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
is that a dick in a sweater?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
