I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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