So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
