look no pants
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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