I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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