so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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