The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
