I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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