What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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