All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
