what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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