this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
