I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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