he puts the penis in happiness.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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