I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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