Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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