If i come over, it means nothing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
