Please, let me fuck your mom
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
