i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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