my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
