Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
