I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
