I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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