you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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