This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
