he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
