She said her name was "party"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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