you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
