Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
