Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Brb crying the tears of my youth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
