god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
