And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
