there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
