As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
