69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
