Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
