i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We left the knife in your bed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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