I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
