I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My feet surprised me
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