can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
