what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
