you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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